Notes on a scandal
by Halane
Summary: Lavi writes a diary, Yu takes short notes. In this two ways, they reflect their thoughts and views on their relationship. Chapter per day! First one: Dear diary-Lavi's 1st entry!
1. 15th June Lavi's Dear Diary

_Hi!!!  
Well, don't know how many of you have already read about this (I hope all of you, since Kuro666 has talked about it in her last FF), but..._

_**There's a LaYu festival taking place right here!!!**_

_Yes, we LaYu fans got tired of Yullen fans having days, weeks and years of celebration while we stared at their work, so we declared that from Yu's B-day to Lavi's, it'd be our turn to write, draw and fangirl over our cute hot tangled couple! So I hope you'll participate by writing, reading and reviewing!!! _

_The **day**, that day on which all of us LaYu fans have to do something, will be _**July 8th**_, because it's exactly in the middle of Lavi and Kanda's birthdays (and because July is the month of love). If you want more info, look up in google: _-man forum lavi kanda day, _and there, in the -man divinity forum, you'll find the whole thing! ^^ So here there is my little contribution to the fest: a diary from Lavi and short notes from Kanda on their relationship! _

_This is the first chapter, so it's a bit cold and maybe you won't like it... But I felt as writing a not-too-loving thing for the first two chapters. I promise it'd become a little more romantic later! The title is... Well, it's actually me trying to make a play on words: notes for the notebooks Lavi writes on and notes for the notes Kanda will write xD Bad, I know, but hey, I had to write st with the name of that movie, I enjoyed it a lot! hahaha_

_I leave you now!!!!!!! Hope you enjoy with both the festival and the FF!( as I always say, __I'm not native,__ so I can't avoid having some mistakes. But I'd be glad to change anything you find wrong ^^)  
_

_Kss!!!!

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_

**15th June, xxxx**

_(I'm not gonna write the year. Yeah, I know, you reader really want to know it, but hey, it's wrong to ask a lady about years! Yeah, I'm not a lady, but that's not the matter here)_

Dear diary,

Oh, great, now I write as a lady! I knew I was spending too much time with Lenalee... I shouldn't have asked her how to write a diary on this. I mean, come on, I'm a bookman! I'm supossed to be good at writing! And a personal one shouldn't be very different from a record... Well, what's done it's done, I guess I just have to find my own style.

A personal diary is something strange for a bookman, but I had to tell this, and since it's a secret paper seemed the best option. It's just that it's not stuff I want dear old Panda to know, so there was no choice but starting a private record. And you should be wondering, dear reader, whoever you are, what the hell this diary is about. The answer is simple, though I'm sure nobody would ever find out without help: Yu. Well, not _just_ Yu. Actually both of us, together, mixed if I have to be very specific. Yes, I'm meaning what you're imagining in that perverted mind of yours. Man, I should stop writing as if someone would ever read this... I mean, I _truly_ hope no one does... It would be horrible if someone found out about our relationship. Sure, Lenalee knows, and I think so does Allen, for she can't keep a secret from him, but that's all. It has to be a secret, since we are both men. I'm quite sure the Pope wouldn't like we kissing around and being all lovey-dovey between missions. Not that Yu would allow me to be lovey-dovey, or that I would if he allowed me to. No, we're not that way.

The thing is this has started just a week ago. Actually, I've been thinking about seducing Yu for some months. The Order is becoming a lot like all the wars I've been to in the past with the 14th thing: traitors, political conspiration, massive amounts of victims... Nothing new, even that feeling of friendship (which, I have to admit it, was starting to affect me) is dissapearing with all the new staff. It's true that nothing has changed between the old ones of us who are still here (except from Mr. Two-Points, who is not actually that bad once you get used to his constant constipated face), but I was getting bored. I have had other relationships before, of this kind, I mean, with both men and women (you have to try everything!). Bookman had nothing against it if I kept it on the sexual side; he even found it useful to get information. After all, people tend to become very talkative at bed. So, I was bored and it had been quite a time since I had enjoyed a good sex session. Yu seemed a nice choice: he is handsome, hard, difficult, my age and so damn hot you could fry an egg on him. Well, yes, maybe he's more on the coldy sexy side, but the thing is you can really think about fucking him to dead.

It was not a fast-made decission. I carefully spied on him for weeks, and I felt like trying. I mean, everyone knows he is handsome, you can say with just a quick look. But you have to look closer if you want to notice those little details that make him no only handsome, but a real beauty. For example, his cheekbones: they are sharp, defined, elegant. And his eyes: lots of people think they are black, but if you actually look at them closely, you'll realize they are dark blue, a very dark blue with hints of grey that turns to shadows depending on the light. His hands are also amazing, with long, slim fingers that make you sigh at the very thought of having them travelling through your skin, drawing your body and touching you in a mean way. Yes, he has perfect hands, and cute feet too, soft and little. The thing is he's beautiful, and by the time I was done with spying on him I was craving for him to be in my bed, or at least under my naked body.

However, he didn't give me a chance. It was last Monday when he came to me in a corridor, walking in that royal way he has. I stopped when his hand grabbed my right shoulder, and turned to him with that funny, meaningless smile I love to wear.

'Hey, Yu, didn't know you were the corner-rapist kind' I joked.

He didn't kill me for the joke, nor even threatened me. He just stared back with a raised eyebrow, his hand still firmly placed on me.

'What do you want, Yu?'

He looked hot, staying there with that focused look on his deep eyes, serious to dead as he always is when he's not fighting. But for the first time in my life, I was completely lost at what he would do next. I really didn't know what he wanted.

'You were looking at me.'

'Now, that'd've been difficult, Yu. You were the one who came after me.'

'Che. I don't mean now, stupid rabbit. I mean the whole week.'

So, he had noticed. I sighed, I remember me sighing, trying to get more time. Of course he had, he's Yu Kanda, the sensitive one. His intuition is almost animal, and so are his senses.

'You noticed' I admitted. After all, if I wanted to seduce him, it was a time as good as any other.

'Of course I noticed. People tends to get out of my way, not to follow it.'

'Well, I did.'

'Why?'

'Because I wanted to see you.'

'Why?'

'That, Yu,' my smiled became sly ' is up to you to guess.'

He didn't let me go. His fingers got to the collar of my coat and he took me near to his face, his nose almost brushing mine.

'Not that interested. Just stop it.'

'I don't think I want to. You're really interesting, you know.'

'Che.' his face came closer, now I could feel his breath on my skin. It smelt of soba and salt, as if it were going to smart if he kissed a wound. I stopped myself from erasing the distance between our mouths. He is shorter than me, but he doesn't look little at all. And just when I was going to say something, he smiled. It was just like that, his lips just curved up on an arrogant gesture of triumph 'So, you're a queer.'

'Yu, that's mean~'

'That's not an answer.'

'What if I were?'

'You'd be fucked.'

I coughed as his graps became harder. His tone was low and harsh, almost a whisper, and I could see his eyes getting darker and darker every second. My hands had been on his wrist all the time, preventing him from takng my neck. But then I moved them through the sides of his body until I reached his hips.

'Would you kill me if I asked by whom?' I asked, my voice hoarse and provocative.

'Che.'

And that was all. Suddenly, I had an extra tongue in my mouth, fighting for a place. He fought so hard I felt tempted to swallow my own tongue to let his live there. It was an exciting feeling. Yu is a hard kisser: he doesn't ask, nor wants to be answered. He just gets to you and play with your mouth, using his little sharp teeth and his thin lips to make your legs tremble. By the time he was done, I thanked God he was holding me.

'I'm a queer.' I answered, and then I laughed.

'Che.'

'But I think I'd rather be fucked when no one can see us' I whispered. He wasn't holding me by the collar of my coat now. He was hugging me, hands pressed on my butt as mine held his waist.

'Sure.'

And that was all. We went to his room, we had sex, enjoyed it, slept for a while and then agreed on trying to be a couple. This isn't new for me neither. Yu didn't ask me for love, nor said he loved me. He just asked me to be just with him, and for it to be a little more than sex. He explained that he didn't want to be someone's sexual toy, nor me to be his. I agreed: it's a lot easier to just be together, with sex or without it. It just works more naturally.

Lenalee was excited when we told her. I thought we would need help to meet and all that stuff, and Kanda agreed that if somebody should know, she was the right person. Of course, we didn't explain her the whole thing. We just told her we were together, and she hugged us and asked us to tell her who had asked who out. I told her it had been me, to make it easier for Yu, but Lenalee laughed and said she knew Kanda was the one, for I wasn't serious enough to do so. So Yu blushed a little and 'che'd her, and she said she'd be happy to help us whenever we needed her.

And here we are, a week later. Yu's been on a mission for three days, so he's came back this morning, all moody and exhausted. Lenalee asked Panda to help her with some books she had to order in the library and I was free to go to Yu's room and stay with him. It was so much fun to massage his tense muscles until I heard his breath getting deep and calm, and then kissing his relaxed lips without him knowing... I must admit it turned me on, but hey, no fun without consequences. I'll keep writing until he wakes up, and then maybe I'll be paid for my services.

Or not. That's the best about Yu: you never know how he will wake up...


	2. 16th June I don't like it

_Hi!  
Well... Yu's turn. He's not as talkative as Lavi, so he'll keep it will I, since it's late! hahaha_

_Kss!_

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_16th June_

'I don't like it.'

I said it loud and clear, but he kept brushing my hair as if I had said I was very pleased to be taken care of not only as a child, but as a little girl.

'Of course you don't.' he answered, his lips on my neck. They stayed still for a few seconds, taking my pulse with an innocent kiss, and then gracely fell to my naked shoulder. 'You love it.'

'Che.'

I didn't answer. Stupid rabbit. He has learnt to read through me as if I were one of his dusty books.


	3. 17th June Surviving with a smile

_Hi!!!  
Well, another chapter! This one turned out kinda... funny? stupid? I don't know, but Yu's part is already done and this won't work until they are together, so try to keep it in mind tomorrow! XD_

_See you!

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_

_17th June_

_Dear diary,_

Oh, yes, I kinda like this classic beginning... I find it funny, considering what an unclassic couple Yu and I are.

No time for jokes today. Yu is taking a bath, but he promised to come here right after that, and he doesn't take so long as it may seem considering his long ebony hair. Oh, that hair... Have I ever told you how much I enjoy with it? It's an amazing feeling when Yu is on me, all that cascade around me, as if he would never let me go... even when he's willing to throw me out of the bed for being such a stupid rabbit (he looks so cute when he calls me that... Not that I'd ever tell him, otherwise he'd never say it again).

It's been just another day here. I've spent the morning working on my records with Panda. Newspapers bring nothing but bad news these days, and that's not good: it means I may have to leave in a near future, and somewhat I don't feel like leaving. Not that I'm supossed to have an opinion on the matter, and maybe it's just my 'personality' being a bit too much in me, but the thing is I don't want to leave yet. Johnny has been sewing, so we all have new clothes. I just love that green T-shirt he gave me, it has a coconut on it, and made me laugh my ass out for hours (OK, just three minutes, but hey, that's pretty good for just a T-shirt!). After lunch, Komui told Yu he had a mission, so he's leaving tomorrow morning. So today is gonna be a see you night, which of course means we need Lenalee to find a way for us to spend it together, which means Allen will have to help too which means Yu will find out Mr. Two-Points knows about us... Which means I would suffer. I hope that the fact of he having to be away from me for at least three days will soft him... OK, that is non-sense. Nothing can soft the great cold moody Kanda Yu. He will kill me, two or three times, just to be sure... Ugh... Don't imagine it, please, it's disgusting...

What kind of dead will he choose for me? Hmmm... Perhaps he'll slice me with Mugen... No, no, I think he'll say that Mr. Two-Points knowing about us makes me too stupid to be killed in such an honoured way. Yes definetely. A stone on my head... Too rude for Yu. His own hands! Hey, that'd be even romantic, dying by those long fingers pressing my neck as I fight for my last breathe... No, not OK, I prefer those fingers doing other jobs. And he'd never get to something as pleasant as killing me on bed... Wah, that'd surely be nice... at least nicer than the Mugen thing, with all that blood and... Ugh, I think I'll go back to the erotic images, much more exciting and enjoyable.

Yes, that's the best. I'll make a plan. The moment he gets into the room (a little hot from water, his hair wet on that wonderful back, those nice hands and feet still shriveled up, his clothes as a second skin because of the little drops that managed to survive the caress of the towel that would have previously went all over his naked figure and... well, you get the picture), a smile will appear on my face. Not that cheerful smile I usually have, no: it'll be a sexy smile, one charming and masculine enough to make him feel tipsy. And then, when those deadly piercing eyes had become deep and hazy and dark as hell, I'll get up of this very chair, go to him and take my arms around his waist.

It has to work. I mean, come on, no matter how cold he is, he won't be able to resist one of _that_ smiles... It's The Smile. And if he is with me it's because he finds me attractive, so he has to fall... Yes, he definetely can't be angry after that smile.

Hehee, heels on the corridor! Anger is spreading through the place, urge of blood crawling under my door as some kind of frightening nightmare creature... I wonder how much time he will take before passing out in my arms... Five seconds. Well, since it's Yu... I'll give him 7. I can be dangerously charming when I want to!

Oh-oh, door opening... Time to put something on the diary and pretend to be working!


	4. 18th June Fucking rabbit

_Hi!!!_

_Well, Yu's turn... And we'll see if Lavi's plan works or Yu's mercy is just a legend.... (chanchanchanchaaaaan!!!)_

_Hope you like it! I just love to write Kanda's parts, they're so shooooort, I looooooooove short things, much more easier! (L)_

_Kss!

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_

_18th June_

I was going to kill him. Oh yes, I was seriously going to painfully kill that fucking rabbit for telling that...

And at that point my determination turned to ashes as I opened the door and saw him. There was no stupid rabbit there before my eyes, but a red-haired man frowning over a bunch of papers, hair all messed up as if his hand had went through it too many times. His lips were pressed together in some kind of focused pout. The picture, all together, made me forget any desire of mudering him and change to others that were more in the line of getting over him, pressing his body with my legs as my tongue took care of his whole mouth and then order him to fuck me once and again on that messy desk, or on the floor, were books, sheets and newspapers seemed uncomfortable enough to make us moan. Actually I just thought 'shit'; the other part just appeared before my eyes in motion, as a dream or something.

When I was considering to go out and kill myself for being so weak, he turned to me and smiled. And that was the end of the charm. Stupid rabbit and his stupidly arrogant smile, as if thinking I would forgive him. Che.

'Lavi... I'll kill you.'


	5. 19th June Of war and missing

_I'm soooooooooo tired! TOT It's been a hard work, and it's been really difficult to find the time to write!!! I've done this in twenty minutes and haven't had any time to re-read it, so I just don't wanna think how horribly written it is! hahahaha _

_Thanks for reading! :)_

_Kss!

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_

_19__th__ June_

Dear diary,

Yu is gone. He left today, refusing to give me a see you kiss. He said there was no use, since as I had said he would in fact see me later and kiss the hell out of me if he felt like it. That's my Yu, so cute and generous (oh how I missed being ironic about him...).

So today I've spent my day working. I don't know what's on Panda's mind, but he's been a slave driver lately... Black and white are becoming my most-hated colors... Well, they would be if Yu wasn't such a black and white man in every aspect. I mean, that long hair of his, and his skin, pale to the point of transparency, eyes as deep holes with nothing but darkness on them...

Man, I suck. He's been left for thirteen hours and fifty-six minutes and I'm missing him. That's stupid. We just enjoy each other, as the two healthy teens we are...

Oops, I had to stop writing. Lenalee entered the library as if it was her room, a cup of coffee in her hand. Can't say I don't thank it, though, since it's three in the morning... But I seriously thought about eating this diary for a moment... Come on, there were just three books on the table, and all seemed to be too far to be of any use... I still don't know how I managed to get one of them to rest on this notebook and the other to my hands in time... Hee, I'm too good, somebody should ban me...

She's such a nice girl. A smile in her lips, that playful smile girls always have when talking about love or couples. I like to see her happy, even when I know it won't last: there's always something breaking in her little world. It's a world in continuous destruction, just a side of a war. She's so strong, and so weak at the same time; all her strength comes from a disappearing place, a false home she has created here, on Headquarters. As a girl playing mums and dads, she makes us believe in it, with all her sweetness and love; and as the clever woman she's becoming, she knows it's all a lie, that she hated this place as much as some of us still do, that she loves it now as most of the others do just because her brother came. But I really appreciate her doing, for nobody would be happy here without the charm she gives to every corner of the castle.

That's not the point I was trying to make. The thing is she came here to try and comfort me, for she thought I'd be sad for having Yu away from me for two or three days. So cute! Of course I'm OK with Yu leaving. He likes fighting and I like my work, even if I sometimes try to avoid it as a part of my role. Well, and sometimes just because I want to. I swore I was OK, but she kissed my cheek and laughed, and said something about boys being so blind. It's kind of funny how women find love in every relationship around them. I think that's what makes them special, that ability to love, to see, imagine, feel and produce it. They just are good at loving and being loved, and Lenalee could be a pro.

Wah, I'm so thoughtful today... If Yu was here, he would 'che' at me and then tell me to shut the fuck up and go to sleep. He hates deep thinking, at least when people talk about it. Otherwise... Well, last night he whispered something about wanting to see me working when he was on me, I didn't really catch the whole sentence... Who would have say the cold Kanda Yu had fantasies? Hehehe, I found it funny, Yu never asks for anything, he just goes in and takes whatever he feels like taking.

Oh, Panda is calling me from the door. Yu will surely see me working at this rate, or maybe dying. Man, if I have to read more newspapers a day I'll start to mix languages. Fucking humans, can't they have one war a time? I fucking hate how they fight and fight and kill themselves and never get anything solved.

That was hard. But the truth is I really thought they were all stupid. Now I'm starting to see how everyone of them fights for a different reason, even if they are together. I think that's the war: each soldier's personal war, and how they help each other in order to win every single battle, changing history on the process without even noticing.

Ok, I should definetely go and help Panda. He's starting to get his leg up to come and kick my ass (or what's worse, my face).

See you tomorrow!


	6. 20th June Something heavy

_AN HOUR AND FIFTEEN MINUTES LATE! AH!_

_Kss!_

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_20__th__ June_

The mission sucks. It's too easy. The piece of innocence I'm looking for is already located and protected, and akumas haven't shown up. So, I just have to reach the town and take it back. Che.

The trip is long, and by train. I hate trains, they are always moving from one side to the other until your head seems to spin around. The last time I went on a mission, Lavi and I were together. I remember he fell asleep next to me and that his head eventually ended up on my shoulder. Stupid rabbit, he can't even sit straight on a fucking train.

We weren't together back then. I just let him stay until he started to wake up, and then I took him away from me as if he was dirty. He said I was mean, but I'm sure he noticed. Che. It was not that I wanted him to stayed there, he just prevented me from going from one side to the other with his weight. And that's why I'm thinking about him know. I don't miss him, I just want something heavy to prevent me from hitting my head with the glass.


	7. 21st June Unwanted feelings

_Problems in Paradise!_

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_21__st__ June_

I'm going to break up with Yu the moment he comes back. That's why I don't need to write 'dear diary' over this, since the diary doesn't exist anymore, as our relationship doesn't exist anymore. It can't, since I've been having feelings since he left. I think I may even love him, and that can't be, for I'm a bookman appretience, I chose this path myself, and I have to act according to the rules if I want to be a real bookman some day, if I don't want all I've been through to be useless.

He will be hurt. Yes, I'm almost sure he will. I've been closing my eyes to it, but I know he is in love. Not that he would ever tell me, but I know. I'm an observer after all , and I've been trained to read through people. It's true that Yu is sometimes hard to read, but I can do it. Maybe that's why he fell in love with me, because I can understand him even if he doesn't make it easy for me to do so. Well, the thing is he will have to put up with me breaking our relationship.

I'll try to make it fast and easy. I'll say it in one sentence, just 'I want to stop seeing you this way because it's causing me trouble with my work'. Yu won't argue, he's far too proud for that, and he also takes his job in the highgest consideration, so he will understand.

Man, this is crazy. I've been completely indifferent to humans for more than fifteen years and here I am, nervous because of a simple boy my age, worried about a girl two years younger who left yesterday to fight and unable to write a fucking record. I'll try and go back to work beforre Panda kills me and I have to add 'murder incitation' to my list of things to feel guilty about.


	8. 22nd June Shut up, I want to hear you

_Hi!!! _

_So here is Yu... What will he do with Lavi now that he's back? I personally didn't have any idea before writing it hahaha _

_Thx for all the favs, RRs, hits and alerts! *O*  
_

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_22__th__ June_

I knew there was something wrong the moment I stepped into the room and saw his emotionless face. He was smiling, yes, but it was an empty smile. Not that anybody would have noticed, but I felt it. And frankly, I didn't care. I was so tired that I just got to him, kissed him hard and then dragged him to the bed by the collar of his black and white T-shirt. When he tried to speak, I angrily asked him to shut the fuck up and let me sleep, and as my arms held him on a tight embrace, (my face buried on that messy red hair of his, which looks as a bird nest), I closed my eyes.

When I woke up, two hours later, he was snoring there, as happy and relaxed as if he couldn't think of a better place to be than his uncomfortable bed. I growled and shaked him, for it was dinner time. His eye opened slowly, and a strange smile made its way though his stupid rabbit face making him look more like a depressed hare.

'What?' I asked it before I could stop myself or come up with something better.

He sighed, and suddenly I felt a little as a child before a very wise old man.

'Nothing.' he got up and kissed my cheek as if it burnt. 'Let's go dinner, Yu.'

'Che.' There was no point in asking. When he doesn't want to tell you something, he just won't. He can avoid a matter for years if he has to.

But I almost feel sorry for not listening to it when I arrived.


	9. 23rd June Pink butterfly

_Hi!!  
So, Lavi failed at breaking up! Poor Lavi, nobody can resist such a beauty xDDDI'm soooo mystic today, this came out very strange... Blame Haruki Murakami, his books always make me write this way hahaha_

_Kss!

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_

_23__rd__ June_

Dear diary,

I still can't believe that I couldn't do it. He came in and looked at me, and I could read his dark blue eyes as if they were one of my learnt by hard books: tiredness, doubt, intuition, passion. They were spinning as an spiral, dark and mysterious and beautiful. He walked to me as an ilusion, his feet heavy from exhaustion made his steps soft and his pale skin shone under the light of the candles. He kissed me to keep me quiet, he fell asleep after ordering me to shut up and I just obeyed.

But I'm repeating myself. Yesterday is the past, and today is what matters. And again, I couldn't do it. We went to the garden and walked together for two hours. No talk, no kissing, no holding hands; just walking and walking, as if we had somewhere to go. Yu looked strangely peaceful. His hair was down, a courtain of darkness that had only one boss: the perfect summer wind that converted it into a ray. Everytime I looked at him, a little wrinkle appeared in his forehead, as if a leaf had fallen over it. But I knew that gesture: he does it everytime my lips brush his forehead. I hadn't ever seen it from so far away, but when I did I knew I plainly love it: his face softens and relaxes when he does that. And as we walked through the gardens, I found myself half-imagining half-remembering how he would suddenly turn flexible and warm into my arms when I kissed him slowly and seductively, melting him as if he was some kind of big ice-cream. Although an iceberg would fit him better.

I can't do it. I can't hurt him. Come on, I don't even care not being 100% sure that I'll hurt him, I just can't take the risk of doing so. I'm not as certain as yesterday of this feeling being love. I mean, seeing him so relaxed and beautiful (you can't call Yu handsome when he is like that, all androginous and magic in his calm and passionate mystery) made me notice that I really admire that image. I may not have feelings, but I certainly appreciate beauty, and he has such a beauty I'd kill myself before risking to destroy it. His beauty is a prize in our dark world, as Lenalee's smile or Allen's soft eyes: you can't imagine life without them while you've experienced them. And what makes Yu's beauty the most special is that he only shows it to me; the others get just a glimpse, but he doesn't smile for everyone, nor moan for everyone. He doesn't let everybody to see him while he's lying on bed, hair spread under his back and eyes lost in a world of his own, his hands the onyl thing moving, but just once in a while, when his fingers grap the blankets (or the grass, as today) in a clear attempt of trying to make himself tied to the real world.

I can't see what's in his eyes at those moments, when they're travelling far away. But we haven't been together for such a long time, so I can't really hope to know. I'll stay with him, at least until I find out all about him. Maybe then his beauty won't be so appealing, so perfect, and it won't affect me so much. And then I'll just let him go, as you do when you catch a butterfly by accident.

A butterfly? OK, now I'm really worried, I'm sinking more and more in the sea of cheap poetry... All this thing of writing a diary as a teenage girl is starting to affect me. Imagine, Yu Kanda, the cold-as-ice samurai, wearing pink wings... The image is fucking awesome! Wrong way, Lavi. Finding new ways of appreciating him won't help to solve this.

See you tomorrow, diary. Stop putting pink thoughts in my mind.


	10. 24th June Caught and bitten

_Transformers is not a good inspiration for deep stuff, so today's chapter is pretty frivolous! XD_

_Kss!_

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_24__th__ June_

I caught him. Che. I knew I'd catch him someday, it was just a matter of time.

I woke up early, five in the morning, but couldn't fell asleep again. That fucking broken window let's summer breezes in as if it wasn't there at all. So I got up and get dressed before walking to the library. It was too early to have breakfast or train, so I had nothing to do.

And I caught him.

The moment I stepped into the library, I felt him. The stupid rabbit is someone you can easily feel, with all that useless energy he emits. So I looked for him and found him. He was sitting on one of those uncomfortable chairs, his hair free of that horrible bandanna he likes to wear, his shoulders and neck tense from a night reading and writing.

Che. He can't do anything well. The image clearly lacked a pair of glasses. I walked to him and he didn't notice me. That was new. He may look like an idiot, but he's very observant, because of all that bookman shit. I liked that, walking to him without him noticing. When I got to him, he didn't look up. He kept taking notes as if he was still alone. I frowned.

'Hey'

He still didn't look up from his work. I hit him on the head. Take that, stupid.

'Yu.' he smiled at me, a tired smile instead of the pitiful "Yu, that was mean" that I was hoping. And it was hot. I had always known he would look hot while working.

'Che.' I smiled too. But before he could find something to say, I grabbed him from his collar, got him up and pushed him over the table over all his papers. The inkwell rolled down the table and fell onto the floor. And he looked up, all stunned and confused.

'Yu?' he smiled again, and this time he looked like an adult talking to a child. 'I was working here.'

Fuck him, as if I were a freaking child.

'Yes.' he couldn't move. I had him. Stupid rabbit, getting caught that easily. 'You were.'

I kissed the hell out of him. Just to remind him who is in charge here. And he smiled again.

'So you like it when I look intellectual, don't you?'

'Che.' Trust the rabbit to say the worst in each situation. 'Shut up.'

'You keep telling me to shut up these days. Maybe I should became dumb?'

'No need. I can cut your tongue.'

'You sure? I think you'd rather bite it out.'

I did so for preventing him from laughing. It was his idea, after all. Che. As if I would let him laugh at me. Stupid rabbit.


	11. 25th June The way you make me feel

_OMG, I know this is even shorter than yesterday's Yu's note, but that Michael Jackson thing has me completely OUT XD WHAT WILL WE DO IN A WORLD WITHOUT MJ? XD There's no other like him, that for sure! hahaha_

_But well, here is Lavi still trying to decide if he loves Yu or not... Though we all know what will he say in the end kukuku  
_

_

* * *

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_25__th__ June_

Dear diary,

After yesterday's sexual maniac period, Yu was ready to go back to his usual cold self. He spent the whole day training trying to make up from what he kindly named "a wasted day", which would be of course yesterday. He really doesn't appreciate my efforts...

So, Yu was training and I was observing him. Actually it was just a while, half an hour, but I truly enjoyed it. While training or fighting, his movments are perfect: fluent, fast, precise. You can see his spine curving under the skin, muscles contracting, each vertebra clearly apreciable under the pale courtain. It's pretty similar to that moment when he arches for me in bed, the passion in the eyes, the flaccid tension in his body. Though here the coordination makes it far more sensual, as if it were some kind of dance.

I still don't know if I love him. I like him. I like his body, and I like him in my bed. I like it when we have sex (God knows sex is always amazing with Yu and his vibrating energy). And somehow, I've ended up enjoying by just watching him. I've always noticed more than anyone about everyone, but with Yu it's reaching a completely different level. I can see little gestures no one else has noticed (well, maybe old Panda, but that's because he's an amazing bookman with years of work on his back): fingers grasping air when new bodies enter Headquarters, the little tic on the corner of his lips when he prevents himself from smiling to Lenalee (he loves her _a lot_. He would never admit it, but he really likes her being with him.), the increasing number of blinks when he's tired and tries to hide it. I'm sure I'll find it strange if he took a step less per corridor now that I keep an eye on him all the time.

I shouldn't. But yesterday, when he was in me and I could just surrender to pleasure and moan, my hand found his and our fingers got interwined. I felt something. I can't deny it. At that moment, I felt strong, weak, powerful and defenseless all at the same time. And over all of that, I didn't feel alone. It was as if an empty space in me had been filled by a had to be Yu, for there was no one else in me then.

The worst is that I didn't care. I don't even really care now. I'm starting to think about betraying what I am for him, and no matter how much I hate myself for doing so, I can't stop thinking about it. What if I do love him? What if I try to change Bookman rules? My life is becoming a 'what if...?' game. And as time goes on and on, Panda has started to keep things to himself. It's not that he didn't before, it's just that he doesn't ask some of my questions. Maybe (and I hope this is not the case, I really hope so, for I do love my old man) he doesn't trust me anymorel. Perhaps he thinks I'm going to tell Yu everything he tells me. And what would I do if Panda didn't want me anymore? What would I become if I were able to left the Bookman clan? By the way, I can't do that, for I now know a lot of secrets no common person should have.

This is getting hard and complex, and Yu is worried. Yes, I can see it in the frown, a wrinkle or two more frightening than the day before yesterday. He knows I'm thinking about something, and he tries to avoid the matter, but we both now that we'll have to talk about it sooner or later.

Man, I hope it's later: I'm hungry, and couple troubles, dinner and gossip mates don't work well together.


	12. 26th June Strangely sliced

_OMG; this came out so short! But I just felt like writing something short and cute in a Yu-like way hahaha I love it when he's cute and unkind XD BTW, I'm having driving lessons from 21 to 23.00, so I'm coming home soooo late these days ToT But weekends are different. Actually it doesn't really matter, for here in Spain the hour is different hahaha_

_Kss!

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_

_26__th__ June_

Stupid rabbit. He's acting strange again. I hit him. Che. I hate him being sweet with me while his mind is flying away, and that doesn't mean that I like it when he's thinking about me. He won't tell me what he is so worried about. But you know what, I don't care. Fuck him and his worries. I can't be worried about him while I'm on the batterfield. Che. I'll just stop thinking about him right now. When he finally decides to tell me, I'll listen. And that's all. And if he doesn't tell me, then I'll slice him with Mugen. Yes.


	13. 27th June Big mouth

_Complicated stuff and cousin here equal to short chapter! XD See youuuu!

* * *

_

_27__th__ June_

Dear diary,

I said it. I can't believe I did, but it just happened. I mean, there we were, in Yu's bed, and I was in him. I could see his back, his hair all messed up from my caresses, and I heard his low moans and felt him under me. I myself couldn't keep my body from reacting. And then, once we were both done and fell on the bed, my torso over his back, my head on his shoulder, I found myself whispering it. The whole scene was so perfect: just both of us on the bed, our disturbed breathes the only noise on the air, Yu so calm and quiet under me, his left hand held by mine. It hurt, the something I couldn't iddentify hurt a lot. And the words formed in my mouth and came out as my lips kissed his neck.

I hate me. That makes it two feelings a day: love and hate. Too many feelings for a bookman. And the worst is that Yu didn't yell at me or call me liar or something. He just 'che'd at me, closed his eyes and grabbed my hand harder, as if saying 'me too'. And it hurt so much it felt more like pleasure and happiness. Happiness is just another feeling, which makes three.

Great, I can become a Maths teacher now that my bookman career is done.

I don't feel like writing anything today. I have to think about something to excuse myself if the old man finds about this whole thing.


	14. 28th June Rabbit season

_I really love to make Yu as a very hard person XDDDD He's so easy and enjoyable this way hahaha_

_Kss!_

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_28__th__ June_

If I thought he was acting strange, now he's plainly being an asshole. Well, more of an asshole than before, that is. Since he told me, he doesn't talk to me. He's fucking avoiding me. Che. I'll have to rape him, or kill him. I'm starting to think the last option is more tempting, but that fake smile of his is so sad that I know he'd like for me to put an end to his miserable life, so perhaps I'll go for the first one. After all, since he's working as a slave I'll enjoy it.


	15. 29th June Follow the red rabbit

_This came to my mind so naturally while reading Kiarra-chan's review!!! Thanks so much for the inspiration!!!!_

_Kss!!_

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_29__th__ June_

Dear diary,

Holly shit, today's been strange. _Very _strange. There I was, calmly reading a book in a far away corner of the garden (far away from everything, you know, that's why I call it just far away) and suddenly everything turned black. Just like that. As if I were a candle and someone had blown; the difference is that I'm not a candle and no one blew me off... Yu just hit me hard on the face and got me completely K.O. He spent the next fifteen minutes trying to get me back to the real world, and when he finally did he grabbed me, sat me up next to him, sighed and then said the last thing I expected him to say: 'Now I feel better.'

Better. I mean, we're together (I don't know exactly how much together, but that's not the fact) and instead of kissing me or having sex with me he hits me hard and feels better but doing it. At first I thought it'd be some kind of sadistic sexual game, but he just stayed there, quietly settled next to me in front of that nice tree, eyes lost in the horizon before us. So I did the only thing I could possibly do: ask.

'What was that for?'

He didn't look at me. _At all_. He just closed his eyes and smiled, a pleased smile as if he was some kind of well-fed cat.

'For acting strange, rabbit. Keep annoying me that way and I'll rape or kill you.'

And that was it. He sighed deeply again as if he was the most patient person on the Earth and fell fast asleep, peaceful enough to make me think it was a sin to just try and bother him in any possible way.

Now, I have definitely missed something here. OK, I was avoiding him, true, I admit that, but since when does the great cold slightly silly Yu Kanda notice that kind of thing? And what's more: since when does he matter? Come on, I know he feels something for me, but that seems a little bit too much. I waited there, reading, until he woke up, eyes bright and heavy from sleep, and kissed him softly on his parted lips.

'Yu,' I started. 'The next time you should try telling me to stop, yes? This jaw hitting thing is not my game, honey.'

'Che.' He frowned. 'I've been telling you to stop calling me names since we know each other and not only haven't you stopped the Yu-thing, now you start calling me honey. I'll keep on with the hitting.'

I pouted. What else could I do? He looked so proud, confident and plainly hot lying there under the sun calmly (on his own way, that is) telling me what had made him hit me... And it was such a nice reason... He was worried about us, after all.

'So, do you want to know why I was avoiding you?'

'No.' he got up and looked at me from above, arrogant as some kind of ancient Goddess with his hair freely flying behind him. 'Just stop it.'

The decission was made even before he had asked finished.

'Sure.'

He looked awesome, and hey, I don't want to lose my jaw once a week.


	16. 30th June Rules

_OMG! I can't remember if I've ever made it this soon before!_

_I really like how this chapter came out. Don't know why though... It's too simple... Minimalism charm??? XD I promise I'll come up with a plan to stop getting over the same problem once and again, but hey, problems take a time to be solved and it's a day by day fic! Y_Y_

_Kss!_

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_30__th__ June_

I already know what's happening with him. Che. I usually forget that he's not stupid, at all. Not that he isn't a stupid rabbit, but he isn't stupid; he's a bookman in practice, and even if I don't know the rules of his clan I do know that some of them are annoying me.

I don't want to hear it. Now he keeps trying to tell me, but I won't listen to him. The bookman rules are theirs to be observed, and an outsider mustn't know them. And that's it.

I won't set him free. He is a stupid rabbit, but I hunted him. He's mine now and I'll do whatever I feel like with him. That is my rule.


	17. 1st July Fried Chicken

_Ooops, you won't believe it, but I completely forgot about the fic today! hahahaha I was watching Shugo Chara with my cousin and suddenly screamed 'OMG THE FANFIC!' and we came here running and here it is xD_

_BTW, she likes fried chicken a lot and asked me to put it here xDDDDDDDDDDD But hey, it was fun XD_

_Kss!!!_

_

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_

_1__st__ July_

Dear diary,

Today I've had fried chicken for dinner. It was awesome, a little bit hot, and how much I enjoyed it... OK, I'm avoiding the matter. But that doesn't mean the chicken wasn't great (I simply had to make this clear, Jerry would kill me if he found the diary and thought I didn't like it...).

You know, the problem here is that Yu has broken his usual reserve and said something I didn't expect him to say. We were arguing. A , a lot. Actually we were almost shouting at each other. It started with some stupid thing about Yu not wanting to tell me about his next mission and then I not wanting to tell him about my bookman work and it suddenly became a very angry talk... And I asked why he wanted to know anything if he didn't care and all and he shut up; as ig somebody had taken his voice out. He opened and closed his mouth several times and then crossed his arms and turned his back to me. I was about to start talking (in fact shouting) again when he whispered something. I couldn't hear it, so I told him to speak louder or go back to his room and argue with his own bad-tempered reflect when he repeated it in a normal tone,

'I do care.'

He stared at me blankly, and I'm sure my jaw hit the floor. Come on, that's not the thing you expect him to say. I expected him to go out or to hit me, even to kiss me, but that? Never. Not in my best dreams. Or worst nightmares, I'm not sure what's the right guess.

'A little.' he added some seconds later, he's eyebrows a bit up in irony.

I waited for an answer. You have to answer to something like that. Not that you have to say it back, but you must at least give a proper answer, something nice and intelligent and...

'Oh.'

That was the best I could think about. It was not a sighing oh nor a surprised one. It was just an 'oh'. A plain 'oh'. And of course he got angrier. His frown turned so deep and dark that I thought his nose would dissappear under his forehead. And he 'che'd at me (it's been some minutes since the last time, I was wondering when he would do it again) and looked at the ceiling in resignation and... tried to leave the room. Just like that.

But after such a bad answer I couldn't let him do so... That would've meant that he won. And he was not right. I can't tell him about my bookman things. Secret history is secret for a reason.

'Yu.' I called just one time in a serious tone. And that was enough: I'm rarely serious, so he always pays attention to me when I am.

'What?'

'Thanks.' I smiled, and I hadn't planned on doing it. It came out naturally. After all, it was quite nice to hear that someone who knew the actual me cared. Even if it was just a little.

'Fuck you.'

And he left. And I left too, and ate that wonderful fried chicken.


	18. 2nd July That's it

_Speaking of summarising talent 8D

* * *

_

_2__nd__ July_

Fucking rabbit.

I'm becoming weak. Some pouting and his hands travelling down my skin and that's it. Just like that. I hate it. I hate him. I hate everything.

The thing is it's done. I've forgiven him.

Che.


	19. 3rd July Untalkative

_I think the end is near... I'm not sure, though xD I just keep improvising (I'm a mess ToT)_

_

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_

_3__rd__ July_

Dear diary,

Everything has changed a lot since we started this a few weeks ago. And it's still changing as days go by. I know it, Yu senses it, and we both try to ignore it. And fail. For even if we are back to the beginning, when we just met to have quick and emotionless sex, it doesn't come out that way. We find ourselves giving loving caresses to each other, kissing deeper and sweeter than needed. When we're not together, my mind is distracted by a constant and exact replay of our earlier actions, by a creative fantasy of what is to be done. As much as we try to avoid talking, we are both aware of the fact that the talk is coming towards us at full speed, unavoidable as a level 3 akuma.

It is yet to come, but we won't be able to go on without it. However, I really wish we could. Yu is not a great speaker, and I have too many secrets to keep to find it nice. Sincerity and trust are out of the question here: I can't talk, and Yu doesn't want to do so. So even when we have already talked, things will remain unsaid.

The path for us is becoming more and more uncertain. I can't see where we are going anymore. I just know that now I care, I care a lot, and I can feel the heart I had killed so long before beating harder than ever. What Yu feels, I can't know. I can guess though, and I think he's as lost as me. I'm not even sure that we are walking together or at least to the same place. And I'm almost sure he doesn't know it neither.

Fucking relationships. I remember why I became a Bookman now: false feelings are far easier than real ones. At least you can control them, keep an eye on them and decide when to stop them as if they had never been there in the first place. OK, I know, I was too young to think something like that, but hadn't been for that detail I'd have surely done it and the result would've been the very same.

It's half past eleven. I'm alone in the library now, and I'm sure Yu is on his way here. I can almost hear his footsteps on the corridor, self-confident and fast footsteps as if he was some kind of very busy prince. He always walks that way, as if he was in a hurry, as if he had no time to lose. And he'd get into the room silently but quickly and we'll have some hard kissing before going to our beds to think over us once and again. At least that's what I'll do. Maybe he'll sleep as a baby, though I really doubt that's the case: the purple circles under his dark eyes have become bigger these days. Not even Yu can ignore this reality. And he cares. He cares about me, he cares about himself and what's more important is that he cares about us. About us as one, a total, the two sides of the same thing. He knows how to care. He somewhat feels how to do it, even if he fails at showing it. I, however, have no idea as how to care about anything alive (well, except of the old man. I do care about him, for he's the only one I have. At least he was. And he doesn't have any feelings.), nor about relationships.

Maybe I should take this as a riddle and play with it. Playing is what I'm good at, in every sense.


	20. 4th July Will

_Swearing is great even when writing xD I know it's rude, but I just LOVE IT! hahahaha  
_

_

* * *

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_4__th__ July_

Today's been just like yesterday: a shit with awesome sex. But tomorrow we will talk. Well, I will, and he will listen. I won't take it anymore. To hell with the 'go on as if nothing happens' and to the 'I don't care'. I fucking care, and I will say so and whatever I feel like, and that stupid rabbit will listen to every word until I want to shut up and let him speak. If I ever get to that point.

I won't let this pass by our sides.


	21. 5th July I said I love you

_The talk has come!_

_

* * *

_

_5__th__ July_

Dear diary,

We talked. Hell knows we did. Yu came into the room, his eyes dark midnight-blue lakes with nothing but that passion for living in them. He doesn't realize how alive his eyes are, the moment you look at them you see that he won't die, that he loves being alive, and that he would keep avoiding death not for fear, but for living. My eyes are completely different: joking, even cheerful, but dead: there's no life, no feelings. Just ephemeral impressions.

He looked at me. Serious. Deadly serious. And then started without even a simple "we have to talk". Of course, that was unecessary: we both knew we had to, and saying it aloud wouldn't have made it nicer. He just started right away: 'I love you.'

It was not as romantic as it seems. He didn't say it with happiness nor with amusement. He just said it. As when you tell somebody that snow is white, or that the sky is blue: a fact, a simple fact that is undeniable and doesn't require any thinking. It is what it is, and that's it.

So he said he loved me. There was no doubt in him, no embarrassment. People think Yu is shy, but that's not true. At least not completely. He doesn't like showing his feelings, and he hates showing them, but he never feels ashamed of them. He know exactly what he feels, and he's satisfied with that. He doesn't need anyone else to know. And when he does need it, he just explains himself with nothing but a crude objectivity.

I sighed. What else could I do? And answered. I had to give an answer to him.

'You know I can't talk.'

'Yes.'

'What do you expect from me?'

He frowned. He hadn't thought about it. Yu never thinks a second step.

'Nothing.' he said in the end.

And I was sure it was true. He didn't expect anything: he would take what I was able to give to him.

'You deserve something.'

'I don't.'

But he did. And what's more, I really wanted to give him everything he deserved. And I knew I had to do it.

'You do. And I'd really like to provide you with it.'

He smiled. I like his smile, full of sarcasm and arrogance.

'You were always good with pretty words, baka usagi.'

I had to smile back. It was a cracked smile, a broken one.

'They are my tools. And my companions.'

'Che.' he closed his eyes, and I knew he was hurt. 'So that's it.'

'I guess it is.'

'The decision is yours.'

'Yes.'

Silence fell over us, heavy as a stone, light as a feather. It changed and revolved just as our relationship, hanging by a thread, on a edge, ready to die, waiting to fall appart or become something wonderful, too great for two done men like us.

'Say it.'

It was a command. A direct one. And I took it.

'I want to carry on.'

'You can't take it back.'

'I know.' I nodded. My stomach felt as a jellyfish in me. 'But I want to do it anyway.'

'OK then.'

'Leave now, Yu.' I smiled again, and though cheerful, my smile looked tired. I didn't have to pretend anymore. I could fall on his arms, and he would catch me.

He gave a silent nod and turned his back to me.

'Sleep, rabbit.'

'Sure. You too.'

And that was all. It felt as if we had jumped to nothing, for nothing. I don't want to know if we're right, but we'll find out someday.


	22. 6th July Comfort is not easy

_Poor Yu, he is never comfortable with anything xD_

_

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_

_6__th__ July_

I have found him. Today I have discovered that rabbit. My hands travelled down and up his body getting pleasure from unknown spots, my eyes sank on his and saw the frightening nothing of his dry, emotionless heart. There was a hint of something, still too weak to be defined. That useless rabbit can't even get whatever he has instead of a human heart to feel properly.

I got into him. Not as hard as always. I have nothing to proof. We are equals now. He is mine. And so we had sex slowlier, trying to get comfortable in the new situation. At least so said the rabbit.

Che. As if any relationship could be comfortable.


	23. 7th July New Year's Eve

_Some things can't last forever.... *sigh*_

_I'm getting used to kill bookman on my fanfics... Sorry Panda! I really love you, believe me! YoY  
_

_

* * *

_

_7__th__ July, 18xx_

Dear diary,

It's been a year and three days since Yu and I decided to carry on with our relationship. We've had it difficult, really difficult, for no one could find out about us. And now a piece of news has arrived and made it teeter: the old Panda is dead. Murdered. The hidden side of this war wants to stay hidden, and mysterious deaths are now as common as the ones on battle. With an out of question discretion, those who know the secrets or get a hint about them are killed. I know gramps is one of them. He was too wise and too sensible to fail in such a simple mission, and no one can make me think his age to be the reason for it: he was old, but as strong as myself.

A successor must be chosen, and as his apprentice I should be the one. If I were to be the bookman despite my early age, I'll have to get rid of every personal feeling I've been creating during the last year. I'll have to leave Yu, and forget all what he means for me. I'll have to erase that part of myself I have recently created, and get back to my old selfish unhuman self. I can't get out of the bookman clan now, for I know too much about the hidden history. I can't quit and stay alive.

In one way or another, it seems as if the us we have so carefully built is meant to an end. It seems impossible to try and keep the secret any more. But I don't want it to end. I don't want to leave him, nor want him to leave me. I want to be with Yu, to love him the way I've learnt to do these months, to see him waking up by my side in miserable inns, our bodies interwined in search for warm. I want to be able to just sleep with him, enjoying with our presence on the bed as we talk about nothing (if Lenalee and Allen are getting serious, if Komui has some new terrifying scheme on mind, if Johnny is designing some new uniforms...) or everything (the war, the battles, the murders). I want more of those enjoyable and comfortable silences, those secretful frowns and smiles from one side of the corridor to another. I don't want the whispered (sometimes more like growled) 'I love you's to become vague memories of a left-behind past.

However, I don't want to stop being a Bookman neither. I love history, I love my books, I love writing, and knowing, and learning. I love to be the one who knows the most about what hapenned, what is happening and what is still to happen. I enjoy having such a nice way of filling my inifinite curiosity, I'll never be able to live without those teidous records I consider so important, for that's the most important thing I do for the world. The knowledge that is preserved by my clan is something I truly appreciate, and it'll be hateful for me to be out of this now that I know so much about it.

I want Yu. I want Bookmen. I want everything, and if I make the wrong choice, I'll end up with nothing.


	24. 8th July I'm a Tissue

_This chapter was born exactly like the fried chicken one hahaha I think it's my favourite until now (L) It came out exactly exactly as I wanted it to!! _

_

* * *

_

_8__th__ July_

In the end I'm just a tissue. Now that the old man is dead, that rabbit came to me just for crying and whispering stupid stuff about us being impossible. Che. And he notices _now_. Stupid. It was obvious. And despite how obvious it was, here we are, a year later. I won't give up. I hate losing without even fighting.


	25. 9th July Waiting soul

_Hi!!_

_I came back from the hospital an hour ago, so there was no much time... As always... I never seem to have time these days YOY Bad busy summer ¬3¬_

_But the chapter is here, and that's what matters in the end, I guess xDDD_

_Kss!_

_

* * *

  
_

_10__th__ July_

Dear diary,

Today Yu told me what he would do. He said he won't let me decide _this _time. He claimed that he has one let me and we ended up here, so now he would take the chance and be the one making a choice. And he took my hands and got near -so near I could feel his breath on my parted lips- and he smiled, that defiant smile full of life and passion that makes you think there is always a step forward to take, a path to walk, a way to carry on. He didn't tell me what his choice was, but I think I know. I want it to be the one I suppose, I want it so badly that it hurts -beyond the pain I already feel-, but it hurts even more to think that it is another.

I have started to re-organize the records. They are long enough to make me wish humans got into less wars. However, I can't hate wars anymore. I've been grown up watching wars destroying lives, adding numbers and names to my well-written notebooks. But in this war I've seen life been saved, and had my own heart born again. I have understood that everything happens for a reason, that even this apparently non-sense cruelty has a why. Wars are not nice, but after every war comes change, evolution. New ideas, new arts, new friendships. People gets together and fights for a better day, for the peace they had all longed. It's a silent, peaceful fight for life, for rutine, for everyday's happiness. I want to take part into that. Just once. Even if it is just this time. I don't want to go to the next war and miss all the good things that come after it. I want to stay, to see the beauty after the fire.

As Yu left the room quietly, a mysterious silhouette in the darkness, his hair floating behind him, I knew he had to have taken that decision. I needed him to do so. So until I know, I'm just a soul lost in waiting.


	26. 10th July It's over

_Hi!!!_

_Well, so here is the last chapter. I've decided that it was fair for Yu to let him finish, since Lavi was the one who started. And here it is :DD The plan was to end this up on the LaYu day... But I miscalculated xD More than I didn't calculate at all actually '^^ So let me introduce you Mr. Last Chapter, two days late!! xD_

_I want to warmly thank **Kiarra-chan **and **Kuro-chan** for their loyal reviews! Kiarra's one were all day-to-day ones, and I really appreciated them! She was so punctual~~~~!! And Kuro-chan's ones were so so so so long that they made me blush for no writing longer or better chapters to deserve them! hahaha (you know I love you! :hug:) Thanks to all the others reviewers and readers too! Your support is highly appreciated by us FFs writers, specially from those who, like me, write in a language different from their own *gives lots of hugs, kisses and chocolate cookies to everyone)._

_ I also want to answer to **Mizuiro Kioko**, since she reviewed the last two chapter in Spanish and without signing in, so I couldn't answer her! Bueno, no tengo mucho que decirte... Mi inglés no es de nativa, por eso se entiende! jajaja Además, yo es que soy simplona en todos los idiomas, qué se le va a hacer XD Los lirismos no son lo mío *sigh* Y sí, Lavi estuvo más profundo, porque tuve un día filosófico, así que así salió XD Pobre, ya le tocaba pensar algo, que parecía imbécil! jajaja Gracias por tus reviews y por haber seguido esto hasta el final! Kss!_

_I have to thank my dear dear dear _L-chan_ (**Chibi-Rukia** here in FF if I'm not mistaken XD) for reading almost every chapter as I wrote even when she completely hates yaoi and LaYu XD And my little cousin who is pouting behind me because this has come to an end. You have to blame her for the fried chicken and tissue stuff LOL_

_And now that I've written an N/A four times longer than the chapter, I think it's time for me to shut up and let you read and kill me for the open end ;PP_

_Kss!!!

* * *

_

_10__th__ July_

It's over. I'm done with that rabbit, and I told him that just half an hour ago. I won't take it any more, this fucking waiting for nothing our relationship is.

We will change everything until we can do whatever we want to.

Even if Lavi can't do it, I can. And I will. As if I would allow some stupid rabbit to make me live wondering what it could be. Che.


End file.
